Seventeenth-century shipping routes drastically improved once navigators began referring to actual maps of waterways instead of the varicose veins on their thighs. Steer clear of veiny skin with today's Groupon: for $99, you get two cosmetic spider-vein treatments (a $730 value) at The Vein Center of the Palm Beaches, located on Sansburys Way.

Two treatments is usually all it takes for clients to see significantly less squiggle-burdened skin. The Vein Center of the Palm Beaches' certified staff wields state-of-the-art technology to blend away distracting blemishes on skin of all types, and cosmetic spider-vein treatments are gentle enough that no anesthetic is needed. During the approximately 30-minute sessions, a powerful solution is injected into problem patches, dissolving dermal doodles even faster than salt dissolves drawings of slugs. Results continue to develop after each treatment, and exercise is encouraged (although direct sun exposure is discouraged).