Hair follicles often become emaciated due to constantly expending energy to retain their vice-like grip on the scalp. Bulk up thinned-out strands with today's Groupon: for $99, you get one month of laser hair restoration (up to a $1,200 value) from Devenu Medical Rejuvenation Center, located near the Westroads Mall.

Devenu Medical Rejuvenation Center is helmed by Dr. Julie L. Waddell, a board-certified family physician dedicated to providing her clients with game-changing cosmetic services. Laser hair restoration bathes beleaguered scalps in low-energy lasers, a process thought to intellectually stimulate bored hair follicles and reknit damaged cells, helping to prevent any further villus-vanishing. Hair growth and thickness can be increased by enhanced cell metabolism, taking Broadway hopefuls one step closer to obtaining impressive dreadlocks in time for their community theater's musical adaptation of Predator. Treatments (valued at $100 each) occur three times a week over the course of one month; all human Chia pets must call ahead for an appointment.

Treatment cannot take place two days or more in a row.