Without the loosening effects of massage, shoulders would stiffen into immobility and fall victim to freeloading parrots and the burden of carrying Earth's heavyset brother, Girth. Pamper your perches with today's Groupon: for $29, you get a one-hour massage at Discover Health and Wellness in Greenwood Village (a $60 value).

Discover Health and Wellness's trained massage therapists ease chronic aches with a restorative bounty of chiropractic treatments and sinew-soothing massage services. A complimentary consultation preludes each back-pampering session, determining each client’s overall level of health, typical fitness regimens, and preferred RoboCop film. During the 60-minute massage, one of these seasoned staffers versed in a variety of muscle-melting modalities will deploy a tactical array of firm strokes and robust kneads to rid sore necks and backs of pent-up tension and loose change. Ideal for relieving stress and kick-starting circulation, massage therapy may also increase flexibility and reduce stiffness in sore joints.