What You'll Get
Humans maintain their bodies for the same reasons they maintain their houses: to keep the neighbours friendly and to disguise the fact that an alien lives inside them. Shrink your extraterrestrial hotel with today’s Groupon to Dr. Elumir Pain Treatment Clinic. Choose from the following options:
- For $80, you get two laser weight-loss treatments (a $160 value).
- For $144, you get four laser weight-loss treatments (a $320 value).
- For $192, you get six laser weight-loss treatments (a $480 value).<p>
The experienced technicians at Dr. Elumir Pain Treatment Clinic obliterate unflattering body bulges using low-level laser technology in a physician-supervised setting. During each 40–50 minute laser weight-loss session, cellulite colonies are sent packing as noninvasive laser systems begin the process of breaking down subcutaneous fat cells. Commonly problematic body areas such as love handles, potbellies, and kielbasa toes can often show marked results with multiple treatment sessions. The low-level cold laser infiltrates fatty cells, which react by becoming porous and releasing fatty acids and glycerol, a shrinkage that creates smooth contouring of cellulite and body areas. After each session, the clinic’s accommodating staff advises clients on ways to increase the treatment’s effectiveness, which include drinking plenty of water to flush out expelled fat cell toxins and engaging in an exercise routine, which prevents weight gain and appeases Pablo, the god of Spandex.
The Fine Print
Promotional value expires Oct 18, 2012. Amount paid never expires. Limit 1 per person, may buy 1 additional as a gift. Limit 1 per visit. Valid only for option purchased. Must be 18 or older or accompanied by an adult. May redeem across visits. Merchant is solely responsible to purchasers for the care and quality of the advertised goods and services.