For centuries mankind has envied pizza dough and wondered how we too could be kneaded to relaxed, savoury states without paying for the luxury of being escorted via wooden paddle to a Sicilian brick oven. Be pounded into the shape of relaxation with today's Groupon: for $20, you get two Migun thermal-massage-bed sessions at East Windsor Massage Therapy Clinic (a $50 value).

At East Windsor Massage Therapy Clinic, tense muscles unwind with the help of an automated Migun thermal-massage bed. Relaxation seekers lie down on the unenclosed surface of the bed, which targets multiple pressure points from head to ankle. Jade rollers traverse bodily terrain, warming up and kneading necks, backs, legs, and shoulder parrots along the way. The 35-minute sessions can help reduce stress, ease pain, and improve energy levels. A fleet of registered massage therapists stands by to answer questions, offer assistance, or check underneath massage beds for monsters.