Although it doesn't provide the discomfort and high ticket prices associated with an airport pat-down, a massage is still an effective tool for discovering concealed knives and small firearms. Prove you’re not packing in the most relaxing way with today’s Groupon: for $35, you get a 60-minute massage from Erika Altaffer at Jia Salon and Spa on Champlain Drive (a $70 value).

Erika Altaffer is a massage therapist with seven years of medical and spa massage experience in her relaxation toolbelt. For 60 minutes, let her apply her full arsenal of massage techniques to target your beleaguered torso, expertly removing knots from your muscles like a master sailor with surprisingly kempt hands. Each session is tailored to suit the individual customer, with benefits that range from pain alleviation and fatigue reduction to improved circulation, increased lymphatic function, and full exorcism of midnight haints and apparitions. The private spa treatment rooms at Jia are ideal for floating away on a dizzy cloud of stress relief; details like plush treatment beds and warm candlelight add to the peaceful experience. You'll leave the spa as relaxed and content as a January oyster that's already exceeded its annual pearl quota.