For centuries mankind has envied pizza dough and wondered how we too could be kneaded to relaxed, savory states without paying for the luxury of being escorted via wooden paddle to a Sicilian brick oven. Be pounded into the shape of relaxation with today's Groupon: for $30, you get a one-hour Swedish massage at Family Health Spa (a $60 value).

The back-soothing specialists of Family Health Spa destress musculature with gliding strokes and circular kneads in a one-hour Swedish massage. Patrons rest aching bodies in one of the spa’s five Chinese-themed treatment rooms, where the therapist’s soothing strokes synchronize with the quiet hum of music to cultivate an aura as tranquil as a mattress stuffed with Monet paintings. Massage oils coat epidermal expanses, and gentle acupressure techniques pinpoint the location of loitering tension and work to bolster circulation.