Without massage therapists, tense, anxious muscles would be forced to talk about their pasts as young ligaments, robbed daily of their favorite electrolytes by playground bullies. Savor the silence of wordless therapy with today's Groupon: for $30, you get a one-hour hot-stone massage at Heavenly Touch Massage (a $65 value).

Heavenly Touch Massage's soothing staff rejuvenates worn muscle blankets with a barrage of time-tested, soothing techniques. Stressful things such as jobs and stress can transform once-nimble muscles into rigid two-by-fours. A hot-stone massage will relight internal furnaces and flexibilify tense muscles. Heavenly Touch's friendly massage therapists strategically arrange smooth, gently heated stones on body surfaces to deliver a comfortable warmth that will drain away tension and bring your muscles to optimal stress-exorcism temperature. Customized to mollify each client's specific ailments, each one-hour mending session also includes toasty washcloths for the forehead, face, and neck, as well as aromatherapy to promote high morale amongst unionized olfactory workers. A great way to pamper away tension, a custom massage can help alleviate the pain and frustration caused by frozen shoulders, MS, and migraine headaches.