Jump to: The Groupon Tarot Deck

Her predictions are certainties, her present is the future, her sight is foresight, and for unrelated reasons, her Sprite is Dr. Pepper. Today's Groupon introduces you to trained clairvoyant Brigid Mires. For $20, you'll get a 30-minute Tarot card reading from your new prescient pal (a $40 value). From the tranquil confines of a private room in the Inspired Events of Maryland facility, you'll be able to confront the vicissitudes of life, family, and love, as well as the mystery of your long-lost flip flop.

Your gooseflesh will develop its own gooseflesh as you prepare for your Tarot-card reading. After you shuffle the Tarot deck and grift a few passing rubes with a quick round of Three-Card Major Arcana Monte, Brigid Mires will deal out the cards into a spread (each position in the spread has its own significance). Though the cards feature bold, iconic artwork and titles such as the Knight of Pentacles and the Wacky Neighbor, their meanings are enigmatic and far from obvious. In fact, the Death card is often a good thing and the seven of teddy-bear marshmallows should fill you with a cold dread.

Though amateurs can memorize the complicated formulas, symbols, and meanings of individual cards, it takes a skilled clairvoyant to understand how the cards relate to one another and tap into the larger implications for your love life, future fiscal successes, and direct queries. Brigid Mires first discovered the Tarot at the tender age of 8, while traveling in New Orleans' French Quarter. Over the years, she has honed her skills at reading the mystical deck and developed her intuition to gain respect in her field. Mires has also worked as a paranormal investigator. She'll happily report on your life, family, career, soul mate, and more, whether you're a die-hard believer or an entrenched skeptic.

With the New Year upon us, many Baltimoreans are curious about what the future holds. Today's Groupon will get you a far more accurate prediction of what's to come than you'll get from your magic 8-ball, which has done nothing but repeat its favorite Family Guy quotes since the day you bought it.