Unlike real spiders, spider veins are impervious to rolled-up magazines and rarely inspire beloved children’s novels. Squash pesky skin arachnids with today's Groupon: for $150, you get two laser spider-vein or sclerotherapy treatments at Jeunederm Cosmetic Surgery Center in Fremont (an $800 value).

The licensed doctors at Jeunederm Cosmetic Surgery Center target spider veins and varicose veins with laser and sclerotherapy treatments. During a 30-minute consultation, doctors examine problem veins, determine which treatment would work best, and confirm that the patient isn’t wearing a suit of mirrors that could reflect the laser back in their eyes. Spider-vein sufferers then rest for 10–20 minutes under the healing photons of a specially calibrated laser, which breaks up dilated vessels with precise heat applications while leaving surrounding skin unharmed.

Distended varicose veins collapse when skilled hands carefully direct sclerosant solution into the vein, which generates corrosion inside the vein walls and causes the vein to gradually shrink and disappear. Depending on the number of veins being treated, sclerotherapy may last from 15 to 60 minutes. Both treatments require virtually no downtime, although patients who have received sclerotherapy should avoid rigorous exercise, such as sprinting from or directly toward a police officer.