Like the collected works of Henry Miller, toxins are easy to acquire, uncomfortable to have, but difficult to get rid of. Evacuate volumes of toxins with today's Groupon: for $37, you get a 60-minute reflexology treatment and a 30-minute ionized footbath at L Thomas Massage in Burlington (a $75 value).

The certified reflexologist at L Thomas Massage harmonizes the body through relaxing reflexology treatments and detoxifying footbaths. Reflexology implements the feet as a biological remote control, gently applying pressure to specific nerve zones which are said to be mapped to correspond to organs, glands, and MAS*H reruns. Thumbs and fingers gently prod the feet and hands to transmit therapeutic reflex impulses that aim to unite the body, alleviate tension, and minimize headaches. Following the one-hour tune-up, patients dip their hind paws into an 18-inch tub filled with warm water and an ionizer. Customers may watch a movie or check email as the ionized water pulls toxins from pores like a fifth grader pulls a cheat sheet from his galoshes.