During the Victorian era, all sweets were known as "flavor biscuits" and were eaten only by paupers, who were forced to substitute hearty lards with inexpensive sugar. Avoid this mistake of over-propriety with today's Groupon: for $15, you get $30 worth of fresh, made-from-scratch creations delivered from Le Cookie Monkey in southeast Portland. This Groupon is for delivery only, which is available for free within a 15-mile radius of their headquarters (delivery outside of this area may incur an additional fee).

After years of losing at freeze tag, owner and resident pastry chef Amber saw the losses as a sign to produce never-frozen treats in her humble bakery. Share in her passion with a fresh batch of cookies, such as decorated sugar cut-outs (3"x3" cookies are $22 per dozen) or chocolate-dipped hazelnut biscotti ($16 per dozen). A scrollable cake list provides more flavorful combinations than a pound-cake padlock with concoctions such as the Monkey Business, buttermilk-banana batter baked to delight with bananas, white mousse, and butter cream ($28 for an 8" cake that serves 8–10), and the I Dream of Lemon Curd, tart lemon curd baked crisp with a sweetened crust garnished in berries and cream ($28 for a 9" cake that serves 8–10), which both pose a potential fire hazard to breathless birthday boys.

Refusing to give in to flashy robotic grapples, chickens that lay cookies, and other newfangled gadgetry, Le Cookie Monkey crafts its sweet eats from local ingredients whenever possible. Calling upon communal culinary support, the bakery grabs goods from such businesses as Sunshine Dairy, Holy Kakow, and Stumptown Coffee. Happily helping out the area and its fine citizens, the bakery even inserts a metaphorical crowbar of love into every pastry to free the hearts of angsty youngsters locked in an existentially cakeless prison. Call ahead to place your order.