For centuries mankind has envied pizza dough and wondered how we too could be kneaded to relaxed, savory states without paying for the luxury of being escorted via wooden paddle to a Sicilian brick oven. Be pounded into the shape of relaxation with today's Groupon: for $50, you get a Thai classic massage at Leelawadee Thai Classic Massage (a $99 value).

Leelawadee Thai Classic Massage's certified muscle-melter, Ron Wittawas, relaxes rigid postures by kneading frazzled figures with traditional Thai massage and reflexology. The 90-minute Thai classic massage begins as kinked customers sheathe themselves in an unrestrictive garment or a fitted spacesuit before snuggling into a calming setting decorated with foliage, smooth stones, and a plush massage table. The trained therapist then employs a sequence of soothing strokes, similar to those used during a deep tissue massage, to loosen limbs and unfold origamied spines. Throughout the session, Ron incorporates a tranquil trifecta of warm, scented body oil, herbal balm for alleviating pain, and hot packs that help increase energy flow and relieve congested chakras of stress induced by summer TV lineups.