Ever since humans evolved necks, they have craned them to look at the stars, making astronomy the oldest profession and chiropractic the second oldest. Align yourself for continued constellation-scoping with today's Groupon: for $29, you get a 60-minute massage (a $60 value), a chiropractic consultation and exam (a $95 value) plus x-rays if necessary (up to a $300 value) at Madison Avenue Chiropractic Center (up to a $455 total value). This Groupon is valid only at the midtown Manhattan location.

The experienced posture pros at Madison Avenue Chiropractic Center massage and map spinal terrains to relieve aches and determine the best course of straightening action. A one-hour massage kicks off today’s package, softening uptight muscles and relaxing physical frames. Next, wellness exams commence with a palpation, in which the doctor’s hands check up and down spines, noting position, curvature, and muscle tone before tapping a quick xylophone version of “Happy Birthday” onto vertebrae. Alignment may also be verified by gauging heat differences along the backbone or with scans that can evaluate surface electrical impulses and reveal nervous-system health. Depending on age, pregnancy, and other factors, spinal x-rays may be taken to glean a more accurate assessment of the best type of adjustment for you. Then, once the x-rays come back, doctor and patient discuss the diagnostic’s findings and how you can achieve a properly aligned spinal mast, which allows your body to tack into the wind and evade krakens.