Like a potato, if the human body is not properly mashed and moisturized, it will never be used for anything more than a science-project battery. Make sure your body is properly fluffed and buttered with today's soothing Groupon: for $30, you get an hour-long deep-tissue massage or light-touch treatment from the Massage Clinic at 40th and Randolph St.

During a 60-minute deep-tissue massage, one of the Massage Clinic's friendly, professional therapists will give your body a break with an hour of deliberate strokes and direct muscle-grain pressure. The customized knead employs a combination of knot-pummeling techniques to rid sore skeleton-casings of aches and pains. Treatment may include tactics from neuromuscular therapy, in which long strokes traverse the lengths of single muscles, or medical massage, a results-oriented practice that specifically targets conditions diagnosed by Doogie Howsers of all ages. Elements of Swedish massage, the most popular type of massage, may arrive on a Norse longship to melt your muscles like beeswax, erase tension, improve blood flow, and awaken the lymphatic system.

Clients who would rather stay out of the deep end can opt for a light-touch session, another customizable treatment that gathers components from multiple healing disciplines to correct imbalances of the spine and mind. Light touch may draw on energy medicine, reiki, and cranial-sacral therapy to treat chronic headaches, stress, or jaw pain. Or it may draw on acupressure, a needle-less way to reap the benefits of Chinese acupuncture by awakening the body’s energy meridians. Because light-touch therapy is not technically massage, patients remain clothed. Call or book online to schedule your appointment.