Not only are massages useful for soothing sore muscles, but they also render accidentally swallowed guava seeds inert so that the seeds won't grow in your belly garden. Today's Groupon brings peace of mind through peace of body, despite careless fruit ingestion. For $49, you get a 90-minute massage of your choosing at one of two Massage Envy locations (a $148 value for non-members, $57 for members). The Downtown East Village location in San Diego and the Eastlake location in Chula Vista offer the regenerative properties of 10 varieties of massage that make a soul vessel feel springtime fresh. Choose any of Massage Envy's knot-kneading modalities to suit your bones' bodysuit.

Like a professor knowledgeable on tulip mania, alien black oil, and a myriad of seemingly esoteric subjects, Massage Envy's certified body therapists ably converse with the gamut of muscle ailments. They'll unravel tense coils of accumulated inner-stress through a perfectly catered treatment for individual clients' needs. Swedish massages offer gentle rubbing for muscular soothing and improved circulation, while reflexology focuses on a patient's crawling paddles, delivering relief to hands and feet to extend goodwill throughout the entire body. A prenatal massage is ideal for expecting mothers who could use a little relief from carrying another person inside them, and a hot-stone Envy massage transforms massage hands into warm-rock fingers that heat pain into a gaseous vapor that exits the body and eventually becomes cleanly filtered rain.

Massage is as necessary to a happy organ-carrier as tea is to an empty mug. Reward muscles and ligaments for their 24-hour service with the sort of care and attention that quells the physical protests and picketing that would inconvenience any busy body-owner.

Massage Envy gives first-time clients a 90-minute massage for $74, but today's Groupon is still a better deal.

Reviews

Three Insider Pagers give the Massage Envy in Downtown East Village five stars, and Yelpers give it three:

• Our Therapists gave wonderful relaxing massages and went beyond expectations. Our hour and a half appointment went by so quick I was really sad to see it end. – Larry L., Insider Pages
• I go to this location for a monthly massage. I always have a good experience when I am there. The front desk staff is very pleasant and efficient. The massage therapists have all been very good and they listen to what I want. – Elly S., Insider Pages

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