Earth, an alluring enigma, is balanced in the void of space upon two poles over which it sensuously spins and ineffably shimmies. Harness the power of your polarity with today's Groupon: for $29, you get four introductory pole-dance classes at Pole Play Dance Studio (an $80 value).

At Pole Play Dance Studios, professional dancer Chelsea Celotto coaches students in the basics of tantalizing twirls and sultry dance moves on poles, enhancing flexibility, coordination, and balance. Women of all shapes and fitness levels can twist and swirl on the studio’s five poles in a safe, friendly atmosphere free of judgment and rabid deer. The weekly one-hour classes are limited to 15 dancers and employ stretching techniques, cardio exercise, and strength training for a fat-burning total-body workout. Dancers should come to class sporting comfortable workout clothing and wearing their hair down for optimal titillating tress-tosses. After class, twirlers will return to the world with improved self-confidence and the inability to look at a flagpole the same way again.