Inaccessible to the hands, back musculature often falls prey to freeloading "kick me" signs and hitchhiking parrots. Liberate a beleaguered back with today's Groupon: for $40, you get a choice of any one-hour massage at Pure Massage Therapy (an $80 value).

The therapists at Pure Massage Therapy cocoon their clients in an hour of blissful alleviation from stress. Treatments take place in a warm, tranquil, private room furnished with a table, soft music, and consciousness barriers to prevent astral projection. Therapists employ a variety of techniques, utilizing the principles of Swedish, deep-tissue, and myofascial massage to rub, rock, apply pressure, and knead muscles into a doughy, dulcified state. During a full-body massage, treatment is applied to the entire body from toes to scalp, with an emphasis on problem areas and careful labeling of ticklish spots. Pre- and post-natal therapy is also available for expecting and fully actualized mothers.