Without the loosening effects of massage, shoulders would stiffen into immobility and fall victim to freeloading parrots and the burden of carrying Earth's heavyset brother, Girth. Pamper your perches with today's Groupon: for $20, you get $40 toward a massage at Radiant Wellness Therapies in Newburgh.

The massage therapists at Radiant Wellness knead backs and feet and administer an assortment of holistic services to restore balance. Like acupressure without the needles, Jin Shin Jyutsu reduces stress by unlocking 26 exterior energy locks with expert touch and invisible bobby pins ($40 for 30 minutes; $60 for 60 minutes). Similar to Jin Shin Jyutsu, high-touch treatments let blunt fingers do the work of acupuncture needles, poking points along the body's meridian to re-center and relax without breaking the skin ($40 for 30 minutes; $60 for 60 minutes). Healing hands apply reflexology to pavement-pounding phalanges to rejuvenate tired toes and arches and expel tension from the entire anatomy during a foot massage ($40 for 30 minutes; $60 for 60 minutes), and light or firm kneading during a Swedish massage tends to achy muscles in the back, arms, legs, and retractable back-up legs. All sessions take place in private rooms inside a setting decorated with wood furnishings and potted plants, feeling more like home than a spa.