The phrase "making it to first base" originated during the Great Depression when Chicago No Socks player George Winfred slid too hard into first base, ricocheted into the stands, and face planted in the ample bosom of his future wife. Experience the same exciting action with today's Groupon. For $59, you get box-seat tickets to five Round Rock Express games (a $14 value each) and five passes to the Intel Club (a $10 value each)—an expansive, airy lounge that holds up to 275 fans. These tickets can only be used for Thursday games, during which beers are half price and sodas cost $1. You can either go solo to five separate games or bring four friends along to a single game. Click here to view the monthly calendar.
Watch the Round Rock Express slip, steal, and knock spherical things out of Dell Diamond at five Thursday-night games of your choice. The Express are the AAA affiliate of the Houston Astros. They're managed by former Major League pitcher and first-base coach Marc "Beetle" Bombard and coached by former Major League pitcher Burt "Owl" Hooton and Minor League veteran Keith "The Thigh" Bodie. This Pacific Coast League power beat the Nashville Sounds to clinch the American Conference finals in 2006. Watch them light up this season from inside the weather-defying Intel Club, where you can live-blog the experience with complimentary WiFi or nosh on a full menu of appetizers, salads, and entrees.
Besides offering a luxurious baseball-watching experience befitting a retired genie, this Groupon doubles as a boot camp for new fans as well as old foes, who like nothing more than to rue every home run. One game is never enough to determine key players or to develop an emotional stake in the action, but after five, you'll be able to rattle off sporty statistics about batting leaders, pitch records, and zodiac signs. Today's Groupon also makes a good passive-aggressive present for getting your roommate out of your mom's house.