The human body is man's best tool, especially when paired against a utility knife that does nothing to decrease the amount of key-ring space devoted to mini-troll dolls. Reward your human apparatus with today's Groupon: for $30, you get a one-hour Swedish massage (a $65 value) at Schonheits Salon & Spa in Germantown.

Schonheits Salon & Spa’s talented and state-certified massage therapist Jeanne Sill brandishes eight years of experience in kneading sore muscles and plying deep tissues. During the one-hour Swedish massage, Jeanne lavishes limbs with gentle pressure and smooth strokes, purposed to ease corporeal aches, pacify joint pains, clear the mind of Tetras-related anxiety, and boost the flow of circulation. Part of the massage's deep-tissue treatment is designed to release toxins, so patients are recommended to thoroughly hydrate beforehand to encourage the swift and orderly departure of bodily toxins. Schonheits Salon & Spa’s hardwood floors, elegant wall sconces, framed mirrors, and fireplace transport frazzled brains to a tranquil realm far from the city's honking horns, rogue marching bands, and incessant "everything's fine" siren.