If eyes are the windows to the soul, ears are the antennas that filter out strident noises, harsh insults, and court subpoenas delivered in four-part harmony. Pamper the bodyguard of ignorant bliss with today's Groupon: for $20, you get an ear acupressure treatment at Simple Road Reflexology (a $50 value).

Simple Road Reflexology enlists holistic ear-massage techniques and auricular seed treatments in an attempt to alleviate physical and mental ailments. During the 30-minute session, lobe technicians inspired by traditional Chinese healing methods utilize a hard, smooth seed designed to eschew various diseases and chronic back pain by administering calibrated pressure to specific auricular points. After the invigorating therapy, the seed is temporarily affixed to the sensory zone, and patients can manipulate the seed themselves in order to accelerate pain relief. Simple Road also employs the artful finger choreography of external auricular massage to minister to headaches, hypertension, and fatigue. As a soothing soundtrack becalms clients, acupressure experts rouse specific ear channels with kneading and pressing procedures that solicit distention of the area and clockwise fingernail pressing that can generate the sensation of heat in order to evict illness of the body and simulate the comfort of cinnamon-bun earmuffs.