Today's side deal transforms your cluttered closet from a cesspit of Dark Side energy into a luminous gold mine bursting with dazzling outfits you never knew you had. For $74, you get two hours worth of style and image consulting services from Soigne Consultants (up to a $150 value). If your fabled "pile system" has truly and catastrophically failed, you can tack on additional hours for $75 each.

Fashionista commando Amy Schalk will rappel down from her fashioncopter into your home and help you streamline, simplify, and coax new enjoyment from your current wardrobe. Amy will use her trained eye to identify your "staple" articles and develop ways to order accessories in an easy-to-grab-and-match manner. Not only will your physical storage space become easier for you to handle, you'll rediscover cute combos you'd forgotten about since high school. Amy can also help with personal shopping, style consulting, or creating a photo guide of your wardrobe to aid in future outfit coordination.

If your closet resembles an Icelandic curing shack for fermented shark more than it does the palace of fashion it deserves to be, grab this side deal and summon Soigne Consultants to snap the neck of clothing-related stress as if it were an evildoer’s mook in a cheesy chop-socky movie. Call ahead to schedule your appointment.

By appointment only.