For centuries mankind has envied pizza dough and wondered how we too could be kneaded to relaxed, savory states without paying for the luxury of being escorted via wooden paddle to a Sicilian brick oven. Be pounded into the shape of relaxation with today's Groupon to Southwind Birth Services on Southwest Plass Court. Choose between the following options:

• For $40, you get a 60-minute pregnancy massage (an $80 value).
• For $32, you get a 60-minute swedish massage (a $65 value).

Southwind Birth Services' masterful massage therapist has more than 1,000 hours of experience kneading and tenderizing bodies to reduce anxiety and tension. During the pregnancy massage, expectant mothers can enjoy a procedure tailored to their mini person-toting state, and designed to reduce stress, relieve pain in joints and muscles, and decrease swelling for once not induced by cage-fighting. Deep-tissue techniques are avoided in the pregnancy massage to keep the session as gentle and serene as possible. Non-almost moms can opt for the swedish massage and enjoy the relaxing pressures of sliding, kneading, rhythmic tapping, and high-fiving typically associated with the classic body rejuvenation.