Like a potato, if the human body is not properly mashed and moisturized, it will never be used for anything more than a science project battery. Make sure your body is properly fluffed and buttered with today's soothing Groupon: for $30, you get a one-hour personalized massage and consultation at Sunlight Alliance Healing Center (a $60 value).

Refresh your mind, body, and soul with a soothing massage that will release captive stressors back into the wild. After a brief consultation, clenched fibers will be subjected to a custom caressing that melts away tension, rejuvenates weathered muscles, and improves circulation. Deb McGowan, a skilled muscle molder who expertly releases pockets of pressure and removes old Christmas decorations from backs, is the kneading force behind each relaxing treatment. After encountering her methodical mitts, customers will leave Sunlight Alliance Healing Center with their muscles singing as harmoniously as a barbershop quartet, instead of screeching like the lead singer in a Norwegian death-metal barbershop quartet.