In addition to experiencing the humiliation of being buried by dogs and dug up by science teachers, skeletons are ornery because they lack the musculature necessary to get massaged. Avoid taking your skin for granted with today's Groupon: for $30, you get a 50-minute massage at Surface Medical Spas (a $65 value). This deal is valid at both the Park City and Layton locations.

Though primarily known for its expression-enhancing facials, Surface Medical Spas extends its professional pampering practices to soothe burdened bodies and tender tendons with a series of stress-subverting massages. Acquiesce to an aromatherapy stone massage that mellows muscles with an essential blend of oils. Or, opt for classical carnal conditioning with the spa's signature rubdown, which mixes Swedish techniques with deep-tissue therapies and reflexology.

Like burgers, inscriptions, and forehead-mounted vanity plates, massages are customizable to the tastes and needs of each body-owner, and each therapist is trained in multiple modalities, working to discover the mix of moduses and moves that is best-suited for their patient's particular strain. Since each sinew-softening session lasts under an hour, it may be conveniently smuggled in at almost any time of day, be it a lunch break from work, or intermission at the kindergarten kabuki play, though treatments are by appointment only.