Before the invention of hands, humans looking for a quality massage had to smear peanut butter on their backs and hang out in a dog park. Obtain a muscle-melting treatment without the mess with today’s Groupon to Therapeutic Touch, located inside Eternal Youth Medical Spa. Choose between the following options:

• For $35, you get a one-hour massage and a 15-minute foot treatment (a $75 value).
• For $50, you get eyelash extensions (a $100 value).

Therapeutic Touch's Tatanya Trujillo is a finger-bearing back master with 15 years of massage-therapy experience. Customers can wind down after a week of lurking in bushes with a traditional one-hour massage ($60), which kneads knots while relaxing muscles and is pursued closely by a 15-minute foot treatment ($15). Several massage modalities are available, including Swedish, deep tissue, pregnancy, trigger point, neuromuscular, and aromatherapy.

Synthetic eyelash extensions ($100) are applied one by one during a process that takes up to 1.5 hours, and lashes can last 2–4 weeks, allowing customers to bedeck the windows to the soul with appropriately lovely drapes before luring potential eye-apples.