Sea urchins are the healthiest, most relaxed creatures on Earth due to constant ocean-wave massages and spiny skin. Today's Groupon offers a similar protection from stress, sickness, and sea otters with a comprehensive acupuncture treatment ($125 value) or hour-long full-body massage ($90 value) from Vitalae Wellness for $45. This Groupon is good for new clients only who have yet to experience Vitalae's specialized treatments that can melt away pain and turn the mind into a puddle of chocolate pudding.

The Chinese mapped a network of channels through which energy, or qi, flows through the body. Tentatively naming it The Inter Net before discarded the name as silly, practitioners discovered that an uneven or dammed flow of energy through a channel could cause disease, pain, and sprinkles. By inserting small, thin needles in particular points where this natural energy has backed up, licensed and highly trained acupuncturist “Yuki” Itaya Martin can restore a healthy flow from toenail to eyebrow. This treatment includes a complimentary assessment to determine your exact needs and an application of aromatic essential oils.

The National Institutes of Health concluded in 1997 that acupuncture may be an effective treatment for a variety of conditions, including asthma, headaches, menstrual cramps, and back pain. Even fiddle-fit specimens of health can benefit from acupuncture treatment, as it is known to boost the immune system—just in time for miasma season.

If massage remains your favorite lying-prone activity, get ready for kneads and essential oils from a massage therapist's hands. Vitalae's massage therapists can untie even the most stubborn muscle knots and re-craft suffering into a beautiful, tension-free bow. Follow the sound of a distant, imaginary gong to the Irvine location. Holistically minded, Vitalae's aims to integrate each of its treatments into the whole health of its clients, bringing tangible improvements to their overall well-being.

Reviews

Yelpers and Citysearchers give Vitalae Wellness five stars:

• … I've been scorned in the past by bad massages: too light, too hard, too fast, too slow...you get the point. Well, I finally hit the jackpot this week at Vitalae. – Scott B., Yelp