Somewhere far below sea level, the most fashionable critters in the sub-surface world are gracefully strutting their stuff in form-fitting wetsuits with foot-flattering flippers. Enter the coveted underwater runways of exploration with today's Groupon: for $39, you get a two-to-three-hour introductory Discover Scuba Diving lesson from House of Scuba, a $100 value. Get your dolphin on at the Wave House facility. An appointment is required, and divers must be at least 10 years old to participate.
The Discover Scuba Diving class will outfit freshly finned divers with all the properly sized and fitted equipment necessary to dive and thrive under the sea. After comprehensive safety preparation and lessons in the function of each tiny piece of equipment such as the regulator, pressure gauge, and spear gun, you'll plunge into the pool. Under the careful, encouraging supervision of the resident dive master, you'll practice basic maneuvers, breathing techniques, and shark-boxing skills. Starting in the shallows, students will get comfortable with newly sprouted mechanical gills before venturing into deeper waters for more free-form exploration.
The small class size of four to eight participants ensures each fish in the school will receive highly personalized attention. Certified and insured divers will guide newcomers in an informative yet relaxed environment. Though the class won't certify you to dive alone, it might finally put to rest a persistent fear of bathtubs and really big puddles. Call ahead to schedule a class time.
Groupon Says
America's Greatest Underwater Threats
Venturing underwater will bring you face-to-face with the world’s greatest aquatic threats. Here are humanity’s deadliest underwater enemies and how to defeat them:
Sharks
Why They Hate Us: Sharks hate freedom.
How to Defeat: Punch the shark in the nose, and then shoot it with the closest firearm. Say something witty afterward, such as “Shark on this.”
Killer Whales
Why They Hate Us: Killer whales are misnamed, because they have no desire to kill humans; instead, they prefer to maim us and keep us alive as prisoners in their underwater bubble-cities. They also hate freedom.
How to Defeat: Until the prices on underwater flame throwers come down to consumer levels, the surest way to defeat a killer whale is to challenge it to a duel, which, per their culture, they cannot turn down.
Mermans
Why They Hate Us: Made jealous by our legs, our oxygenated air, and our many freedoms.
How to Defeat: Do not engage a merman in a contest of strength; instead, make fun of its lack of education.
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