How I Met Your Mother ends its nine-season run on CBS this Monday, with a two-part finale that will finally bring closure to the story of how Ted Mosby met the mother of his children. The true ending of the series is still a closely guarded secret, but that didn’t stop us from coming up with a list of nine ways the series might end (but probably won’t). 1. The 30th anniversary reissue of Robin Sparkles’s back catalog sparks a return to the charts for the Canadian pop icon. The party is cut short, however, when, after hearing her own song during a last-minute Christmas shopping trip, Robin Scherbatsky is arrested for attempted arson at Westfield Vancouver. 2. “Sandwiches” wasn’t a euphemism for marijuana. Future medical testing reveals Ted and his friends all possess a rare genetic mutation that causes them to get high when exposed to spicy mustard. 3. In a Midsummer Night's Dream–style plot twist, magic happens, causing Marshall to end up with Robin, Ted with Lily, and Barney with everyone. It's never corrected. 4. Marshall gets appointed to the Supreme Court. His notable moments include casting the deciding vote to grant citizenship to artificial intelligences and losing a slap bet to an elderly Sonia Sotomayor. 5. New character Uncle Bunko (played by Don Rickles) interrupts Ted's story with 18 minutes of wise remarks. Everyone's laughing so hard they call the whole thing off. 6. Ted is a time traveler. Ted’s “son” is actually his father. Ted’s using a fictional narrative to plant the subconscious suggestions that will allow his dad to meet his mother, subsequently allowing Ted to be born. 7. It’s revealed that the man born as Barney Stinson died in college and was replaced by an overworked young doctor looking to start his life over. 8. Most of the episode is spent emphasizing a character trait the writers forgot to establish for Ted: that he loves peanuts. Then, just as he's about to explain how he met the mother, Ted starts choking on one of his beloved peanuts. The incident leaves him shaken and withdrawn. 9. The Mother finally finishes making dinner. It is taco night. Ted exclaims, "Holy guacamole!" Fade to black. Text by Tyler Clark, Will Landon, and Sean O’Toole. Illustrations by Greyory Blake.