As you’re buying $7 beers at the bar, do you ever think that you could be paying half the price at CostCo? Today’s Groupon gets you your cake and you eat it too, with a $15 for a gift card worth $35 in drinks & food from The Fifty/50, a super cool bar in Wicker Park (Damen & Division) featuring new & unusual drinks and a sleek yet lively atmosphere. If it sounds too good to be true, that’s probably because it is. A few more conditions on today’s Groupon - you’ve got to spend at least $50, it won’t work on Saturday, and you have to use it before 10pm sometime between now and the end of April. Even with those caveats, you don’t need 20/20 vision to see that this a great deal.
Take a look at all the mouth-watering bar food the Fifty/50 has on their homepage (see the full written menu here). See that “Triple Secret Cheeseburger?” You can get that for the price of a cheeseburger that has less than 1.5 secrets in it. There’s even a vegetarian panini for all you tree huggers, and a Lobster Salad for the sea food enthusiasts.
What’s really interesting about the Fifty/50 is the truly unusual path they’ve traveled towards building a successful business. Surprisingly, they started out in the early 80s as a critically-acclaimed Pakistani television show featuring sketch comedy and funny music videos.
After that, they started making some mufflers and brakes, and then dipped a toe into the low-fat peanut butter business. When that market got saturated, Fifty/50 was on the move yet again, producing a specialized line of a 50/50 cotton-polyester blend underpants as a subcontractor for Haines . But when they got bit by the creative bug again, they dropped out of the retail business & started making music. They released three very different concept albums entitled “Tonight I’m Dreaming”, “Pure Class Top Duo”, and finally The Best of Fifty-Fifty. After that, Fifty/50 decided it was time to make a tell all movie, and created the smash hit Fifty-Fifty. Help Wanted: High Risk. Big Money. Two Positions Available Immediately. starring Peter Weller and Robert Hays.
Now, at last, the roller-coaster of a ride that is Fifty/50 has settled down into the fine establishment over on Division Street. And people are noticing the difference that experience makes. Says famous business tycoon Warren Buffet, “Fifty/50 has pursued a quite non-traditional business plan, I know, but I think the diversity of those experiences has really equipped them with a well rounded approach that appeals to their customers…that’s why they are so successful today. I mean, if they hadn’t have done all those other businesses, it seems pretty unlikely they ever would have ever thought of their most popular menu item, the Pakistani Peanut Butter Muffler. Its no wonder lots of celebrities go to the Fifty/50.”
And Buffet isn’t lying. Just go to the Fifty/50’s website and click on the photo album. You’ll find that stars such as Casey Urlacher (Brian’s Brother), Tony Romo & Julia Stiles have been to the Fifty/50. I bet they didn’t even get a discount like you’re gonna get. Suckers. Also these photos make it very clear that there are always many hot young single women and men at the Fifty/50. The photo album even gives the impression that its about a 50/50 gender split, which is a good thing because the Groupon Inbox is already filling up today with emails like this one: “Hey, this Fifty/50 thing better mean there is a 50/50 gender split!” We here ya friends! And no worries, just check out that photo album. Thanks for writing in, everybody!
Not to put too fine a point on it, but perhaps the essence of how you’ll feel after you buy today’s Groupon at the Fifty/50 is best put by 50 Cent with these fine lyrics from his nice little tune: Straight to the Bank
I see nothin’ but hundred dollar bills in the bank roll I got the kind of money that the bank can’t hold…
…I’m laughin’ straight to the bank with this. Ha ha ha ha, ha, ha ha ha ha ha. I’m laughin’ straight to the bank with this. Ha, ha ha ha ha ha, ha, ha ha ha ha ha. I’m laughin’ straight to the bank with this. Ha, ha ha ha ha ha, ha, ha ha ha ha ha. I’m laughin’ straight to the bank with this. Ha, ha ha ha ha ha, ha, ha ha ha ha ha. I’m laughin’.
_(copyright Universal Music Corp.; 50 Cent Music)_
I’M LAUGHING STRAIGHT TO THE BANK WITH THIS GROUPON TEE HEE HEE HEE TEE HEE HEE TEE.