Although body-exchange programs mean no one ever has to stay in one meat suit for long, returning yours in bad condition means you forfeit your deposit. Keep your constitution in returnable condition with today's Groupon to 7 Flags located in Clive. Choose between the following options:

• For $23, you get a one-month gym membership (a $50 value) with three personal-training sessions (a $40 value each), unlimited tanning (a $30 value), and kid's gym for two children (a $20 value, a $220 total value).
• For $30, you get a one-hour massage (a $60 value).

7 Flags fosters healthy habits and illness elusion with more than 130,000 square feet of athletic and aesthetic amenities. Fitness memberships grant access to a cornucopia of facilities and equipment, including 70 cardio machines, free weights, a basketball court, indoor and outdoor heated pools, a dry sauna, and a steam room. Sprint vigorously from viruses and bacteria upon the suspended indoor running track, with an advanced timing system for pacing or keeping tabs on a microwave pizza. The women-only Perfect Fit area sequesters female members from male grunting with cardio and free weights specifically suited for female body types. Children ages 3–12 chill in the kids' gym and partake in healthy fun with a ball pit, tunnel maze, and spiral slide.

Three half-hour sessions with a personal trainer guide potential titans to achieve wellness goals through a custom-tailored workout regiment. Group fitness classes (free for members) convene seven days a week and include yoga, tai chi, spinning, and water exercises. Offset all this time spent indoors with more time indoors within four private tanning rooms outfitted with either a lay-down bed or a stand-up booth.

For people whose muscles are in more need of a loosening touch than a bulk-up, the massage option grants a therapeutic hour with licensed therapist Erin Hefner. Manual kneading tames tense tendons with swedish effleurage, soothes damaged tissues with specialized sports-massage techniques, targets tension with reflexology foot and hand stress reduction, or provides ultimate distressing benefits with a tip-to-toe relaxation treatment and hypno-malleting. Call to schedule an appointment.