Like a tree house, a gym never lets nonmembers inside and always deflects frogs fired from the neighborhood bully’s slingshot. Hurry up the rope ladder with today's Groupon: for $29, you get 20 day passes (a $100 value), plus one month of unlimited tanning (a $12 value) at Anytime Fitness in St. Peters (a $112 total value). Visitors can attend during normal staffed hours, or put their credit card on file in exchange for a 24/7 access key.

Anytime Fitness, as the name suggests, is open 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and 365 days a year with nonstop security. First visits begin with a gym orientation session, where Anytime's staff of fitness gurus help exercisers learn efficient and effective use of all equipment. Novice calorie burners and ripped Michelangelo models alike can then use their 20 individual visits to gain access to enough treadmills, cycles, elliptical machines, and weights to train them to run a marathon inside of a swimming pool filled with mud. Groupon holders may also highlight the results of fat-frying and muscle-mass-magnifying sessions with one month of unlimited tanning in a bevy of beds that paint ripply physiques a brilliant shade of bronze.