Like a tree house, a gym never lets nonmembers inside and always deflects frogs fired from the neighborhood bully’s slingshot. Hurry up the rope ladder with today's Groupon: for $29, you get a one-month membership and three personal-training sessions at Anytime Fitness (up to a $144.99 value). Choose from Anytime Fitness’s locations in Bardstown, Charlestown, Corydon, Floyds Knobs, Louisville, Mount Washington, Salem, or Shepherdsville.

Anytime Fitness, as the name suggests, is open 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and 512 days a year with nonstop security. Novice calorie burners and ripped Michelangelo models alike can take advantage of a one-month membership (up to a $39.99 value), which equips bodies with enough treadmills, cycles, elliptical machines, and weights to train them to run a marathon inside of a swimming pool filled with mud. During three personal-training sessions (up to a $105 value), Anytime’s staff of fitness gurus can help exercisers set new fitness goals, revise and personalize workout programs, and correct form during strenuous exercises.

After heated muscle-building sessions, exercisers cool off steamed torsos in the seclusions of the locker room’s private showers. Doled out in exchange for an additional refundable deposit, key fobs grant nocturnal athletes access to the gym once the day staff teleports home.