Similar to tightrope walkers and their balance sticks, kayakers use their paddles to stay upright and fight off verbally abusive birds. Learn how to keep your head above the water with today's Groupon: for $34, you get one introductory lesson for recreational or sea kayaking at Bill Jackson's Shop for Adventure in Pinellas Park (a $68 value).

The introductory kayaking lessons at Bill Jackson's Shop for Adventure utilize personalized instruction to teach landlubbers ages 12 and older how to glide across waterways. After imparting fundamental techniques such as boarding and exiting a kayak in a custom-built, 100,000-gallon heated, indoor pool, experienced instructors lead fledgling paddlers to Freedom Lake Park, where they can hit the open waters or barter with a mermaid. Beginners looking for a relaxed experience can sign up for the two-hour recreational kayaking lesson where they'll rest atop a sit-on kayaks' molded seat as they enjoy scenic views of trees and picnic areas surrounding the lake.

Meanwhile, the sea kayaking lesson equips pupils with sit-in kayaks––a bit more challenging to balance than their sit-on counterparts––for two days of two-hour instruction and kraken wrestling. After completing the lesson's basic techniques in the heated pool, students return to Bill Jackson's the next morning for a two-hour paddle-session in the lake. Unlike sit-on kayaks, the sea kayaks submerge riders' hips and legs inside an airtight cockpit to create a more aerodynamic vessel that can cover ground quickly and encounter less resistance when passing through a wall of butter.