Contrary to popular belief, boats are actually much safer than cars, which inexplicably sink every time you drive them on water. Take a proper water road ride with today’s Groupon: for $35, you get a one-hour luxury boat rental for up to 12 passengers from Captain Mike Fink’s Marina, located in Lake Ozark (a $70 value).

Captain Mike Fink’s Marina offers flotation deficient day-trippers an assortment of buoyant boating options. Tour the Lake of the Ozarks aboard the luxurious 26-foot Tritoon, which boasts 115 horsepower and room for renters to bring their favorite intramural football team. Aspiring splashers can earn their water wings by wading into one of the healthiest lakes in the country, while more guarded aqua admirers sun themselves or respectfully curtsy on the bow of the boat. Located near the historic Bagnell Dam and multiple waterside dining options, fortunate floaters can make a day of the watery excursion. Gas, oil, and tax are not included with the purchase of this Groupon, and a $300 damage deposit is required to guard against schooner scars and water-borne papercuts. Maiden mariners born after January 1, 1984, are required to saturate sponge-like brains through the completion of an online boater safety course with completion verification being shown at time of rental.