Games of Risk would be over much more quickly if the plastic armies learned to swim, thereby opening the elusive Kamchatka to undercover naval attacks from New Guinea. Secure your coastal territories with today’s Groupon: for $30, you get one month of kids' swimming lessons at Dolphin Swim Club, located inside the South Beloit Inn (a $60 value).

Dolphin Swim Club's trained instructors guide young children through a garden of aquatic delights in four half-hour lessons over the course of one month, sowing the seeds of safety and proper form at every splash-filled turn. After placing students in levels according to their age and ability, instructors schedule classes of no more than four students to ensure safety and personal attention. Infants nostalgic for their watery wombs can participate in baby swim classes, and children old enough to have chores can train fiercely for intra-family diving competitions to determine nightly dishwashing duties. Parents can observe from the shores as their water-bound whippersnappers learn breath control, back floats, and stroke mechanics in a heated indoor pool.

In addition to holding lifeguard and CPR certifications, all instructors receive ongoing training through poolside tutorials and fortnightly mermaid socials. Dolphin Swim Club's flexible schedule offers lessons scheduled on mornings, evenings, and weekends, with all equipment save swimsuits and towels provided onsite.