While feeling the burn during a workout is generally a good sign, feeling the burn while sitting on the sofa means your sofa is in the fireplace. Engage in controlled, constructive body burning with today's Groupon: for $29, you get a two month membership, a free fitness assessment from a personal trainer, a smoothie or protein shake, one level-three tanning-bed session, and 20 percent off any supplement at Endurance Fitness. Your Groupon is valid at any of the gym’s 9 area locations.

Endurance Fitness molds muscles and deflates spare tires with 25 personal trainers and 9 gyms, which are open and running seven days a week. Clingy, co-dependant love handles can finally get the boot thanks to the latest fitness equipment, group exercise classes, and racquetball courts. The experienced personal trainers assess members’ fitness levels, placing them in either the ironman or mopman categories. Pale skin tents can get a camping glow without ever visiting a forest thanks to Endurance Fitness’s level-three tanning beds ($8). Relax in the steamy sauna or the bubbling whirlpool after a long evening of stair climbing, levitate to the smoothie bar to sip a protein shake or smoothie ($6), or browse the racks of muscle-building supplements available in-house. Endurance Fitness boasts clean locker rooms dotted with cleansing showers and fairy godmother–supervised childcare.