Personal training is much more than detailed instruction on how to be an actual person. Achieve your fitness goals in a one-on-one setting with today's Groupon: for $59, you get two personal-training sessions and a two-week membership to Evolution Fitness, Yoga, Martial Arts (a $200 value).

Evolution packs its exposed-brick walls with certified personal trainers, state-of-the-art cardio and strength equipment, and a kaleidoscope of heart-pumping fitness classes. During the two one-hour personal-training sessions, muscle mavens help bodies reach their health and fitness goals with customized workouts aimed at weight loss, sports-specific endurance, or other athletic aspirations (each a $75 value). With a two-week membership, sweat seekers can sample dozens of group exercise classes such as power yoga, martial arts, kettlebell fundamentals, and intermediate levitation (a $50 value). While skeleton husks sweat off spare tires on the treadmills, stationary bikes, and elliptical machines, flat-screen televisions keep brains distracted from thoughts of seceding from the body.

Evolution woos clients with convenient parking, on-site massage therapists, and a health-focused café that dishes out fresh juices, wholesome baked goods, and other hunger-fighting vittles. Parents can place wee ones in the hands of the patient babysitters at the Kidz Zone while they take a yoga class or hire themselves out as high altitude Sherpas on the Stairmaster.