In the event of a global catastrophe, money will become obsolete, and the world will once again return to an economy based on how many pull-ups one can do in a minute. Flex your way to fortune and fame with today’s Groupon for a membership to Expert Fitness in Midland, a facility that offers a high quality, boutique experience with a focus on healthy lifestyle. Choose one of the following body-buffing options:

• For $25, you get 30 days of ROM quick gym access and a fitness/weight loss diagnosis (up to a $50 value). Start with a fitness/weight loss consultation to establish an individualized health plan for achieving desired results. Afterwards, jumpstart metabolism with the pure, distilled power of exercise in the ROM quick gym, which crams the equivalent of a 45-minute conventional workout into an itty-bitty 12-minute suitcase.
• For $100, you get one month of complete access to the fitness center plus four personal training sessions (a $300 value). Gym rats, mice, and thundering gaurs can take advantage of the entire fitness center by pumping iron, blasting the cardiovascular system, and making full use of Expert Fitness’s knowledgeable staff with four individualized personal training sessions. Call in advance to schedule each personal training session, and give at least 24 hours notice if making a cancellation.