While secret societies have terrific members-only benefits, their gorilla-centric initiation rites are often illegal. Make a solemn fitness vow that's legal with today's Groupon: for $65, you get three Hypoxi therapy sessions at Hypoxi's Sugarland location (a $187.50 value). (Warning: Site contains nudity of the skin.)

Employing a program developed in Austria, Sugar Land's Hypoxi studio—one of three of its kind in the United States—provides body-shaping fitness sessions with medically designed exercise equipment. Machines are similar to traditional cardio equipment, but outfitted with technology to search and destroy deposits of fat and cellulite. The flab flummoxing Trainer S120 and L250, along with the tub targeting Vacunaut, apply suction and compression to slim legs and flatten abs. Recline peacefully on the Hypoxi-Dermology bed while your skin is massaged and trained into smooth, supple submission.

Hypoxi's studios are airy, clean, and modern, and they are attended by expert staff to help clients achieve the slim, trim physique that turns heads and shimmies easily into abandoned airshafts. Call to schedule an appointment.

Reviews

OK magazine, Harper's Bazaar and Cosmopolitan and other media outlets have mentioned Hypoxi. Here's a look at what they're saying:

• Out of this world amazing! After 12 sessions, I lost 2 kg and a total 23.5cm from all over my body - all of which happened without changing my diet or doing other exercise. – OK magazine
• Very fit people will have to leave their "no pain, no gain" mindset at home as you just get slightly flushed and nowhere near puffed. Going too fast ruins the results so you have to keep it easy. – Olivia Richardson, Oxygen magazine