The pen is mightier than the sword, but that’s only because the pen spends three nights per week bench-pressing paper clips. Stay in tiptop sharp-object-dodging shape with today’s Groupon: for $30, you get one month of introductory classes at New London CrossFit (up to a $150 value).

New London’s certified muscle crafters lead students of all fitness levels through the functional, varied workouts of CrossFit and boot camp training. The program constantly changes routines so that bodies stay engaged and develop capabilities that pay off in sports, everyday life, and sleepwalking combat. Experienced CrossFit coaches Aaron Meredith, Eddie Edwards, and Juan Rodriguez keep classes small so clients get individual attention. The 45-minute sessions are scheduled in the mornings and evenings, and the program’s mix of conditioning, strength training, plyometrics, danger journalism, and other exercises can be scaled to each athlete’s capabilities so that all students push their own limits.

CrossFit pupils hitting the 4,000-square-foot exercise facility will up core strength, increase stamina and endurance, and can lose 5–10 pounds as a result of dedicated training. Aaron has captained some clients who dropped more than 60 pounds in a year, sealing their excess weight into a convenient ghost trap. The center also helps sculpt corpuses with a nutritional-support program.