The Simon Family JCC

Although inflatable muscle suits are easy to apply and double as flotation devices, natural brawn actually lifts heavy objects and doesn't deflate when given a routine allergy shot. Blow up your fitness routine with today's Groupon: for $35, you get any one-month membership to The Simon Family JCC in Virginia Beach (up to an $85 value). This Groupon includes a 50% discount on the $50–$75 enrollment fee, should customers choose to continue their membership after the first month.

The certified trainers of The Simon Family JCC juggle a brimming syllabus of classes as the titanic facility nonchalantly shoulders a heavy load of basketball courts, swimming pools, cardio equipment, and mini-golf. Members of the community-centric fitness depot enjoy tremendous benefits, such as unlimited group yoga, spin, and aquatic classes, unlimited gym access, and complimentary babysitting services to ensure children are not incorporated into any subspace hive-minds roaming nearby. Lean, flexible muscles are cultivated in yoga and Pilates classes, and stationary cyclists can satiate their wanderlust on a 10-week virtual world-tour starting Friday mornings on October 28. The center’s pair of indoor and outdoor pools house aquatic classes for adults and young ones, and the basketball courts are open to friendly games of Horse and endurance matches of Horsehead Nebula.

Boasting both child- and adult-friendly equipment, the massive gym is home to a water park with a Noah's Ark playset, a nine-hole mini-golf course, six tennis courts, and a handful of sports leagues. Discounted to members, children's classes include music and dance for ages 2–3 and hip-hop cardio for the elementary set. Family membership is ideal for training a tribe of acrobatic crime fighters, but the center also offers single-parent family memberships, couples memberships, and special discounts for students and seniors. Complimentary towel service and secure keycard access are also available to round out the fitness pilgrimage. Much like other community gyms and the Cthulhu Society of Unspeakable Athletics, the JCC is open to fitness enthusiasts of any creed.