Music Festivals Always Seem to Have These 10 People

BY: Collin Brennan | Jun 3, 2016

Music festivals tend to attract people from all walks of life—including some you probably didn’t even know existed. By now, tried-and-true categories like “hipster” and “jock” have branched off into a thousand subdivisions, and it can be fun to see how many you can find the next time you attend an outdoor concert. Take a look through the pictures below, which we snapped at the Pitchfork Music Festival, then see if you can spot these same 10 characters at your own event.

The Guy Who Stole Your Grandma’s Camera

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The first digital cameras hit the consumer market in the late 1990s, or right around the time this guy was born. He must have missed the memo. To this guy, a camera is as much a fashion accessory as a means of image reproduction, but we can’t be too hard on him. For starters, he’s being eco-friendly by recycling grandma’s old Nikon, and there’s no denying the old workhorse looks good in that new leather case.

The Guy Who Artfully Photographs Mud

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A close relative of the abovementioned camera guy, this guy sees beauty where others see only dirt. In this case, the equipment matters less than the man. And who is that man, exactly? He is an artist. He is a sensitive intellectual. He is the proud new owner of some seriously mud-caked shoes.

The Couple That Sleeps Through Every Set

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For some people, music festivals are a source of endless anxiety. They fret about things like lining up the perfect schedule, finding a bathroom that’s halfway usable, and navigating their way through a sweaty mass of humanity. Not this couple, though. This couple could teach a master’s seminar in how to chill, which they’d hold on the green lawn toward the back of the crowd. But first they have to wake up.

The Guy Who Won’t Put His #%$! Phone Away

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Is there anything more annoying than the guy or gal who drops $300 on tickets to summer concerts and proceeds to spend the entire day texting away, completely oblivious to the live music right in front of them? This is why millennials get a bad rap. If you don’t believe our opinions on concert etiquette, ask the guys who actually work at these venues.

The Guy with the Statement Shirt

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You’ll probably run into several thousand strangers at a given music festival, and there’s no way you’ll have the time to school them all on the finer points of life’s philosophy. This guy knows that, which is why he’s come prepared with a shirt that says all he needs to say, to whomever cares to read his chest. You might not agree with him all the time, but one thing is certain: every time he opens his wardrobe, the world is never quite the same.

The Guy with No Shirt (But Lots of Hair)

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Why does this guy always end up next to you in the crowd? Why is he always the sweatiest and the hairiest? It’s not even about looks—T-shirts soak up a lot of moisture, and without this essential piece of outdoor concert attire this guy’s skin transforms into a furry slip’n’slide. Oh, well. At least he seems fun to hang out with.

The Flower Children

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In another, decidedly less hip life, these girls might have found their calling as botanists. Here, however, they’re doing the best they can to revive the Summer of Love. Some might find this trend insufferable, but there’s something to be said for the preponderance of flowers and flower prints at outdoor festivals. If you’re going to be in nature, you might as well be one with nature. Just try to ignore all that garbage on the ground.

The Guy Who’s Over It

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It’s hot out. There are too many people. The beer is warm and the band is out of tune. There are plenty of reasons why music festivals can go wrong in a hurry, and this guy bears the weight of knowing them all. His look says “What am I doing here?,” and we don’t have the answer. Nobody has the answer. You should go home and take a nap, guy. You’ve earned it.

The Girl Who’s Way More Prepared Than You

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Look at that condescending smile. It’s a smile that says, “Sure, I remembered my poncho. Did you really think it wasn’t going to rain?” It says, “I can’t see your squinting eyes through my UV-protection sunglasses.” She probably even has some toilet-seat covers stowed away somewhere in that tote. To be fair, though, it isn’t her fault you chose flip-flops over boots.

The Wandering Child

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Whose child is this? Check your pockets. Is somebody missing a child?

Photos: Jeremey Watson and Grant Walsh

Inspired to join the concertgoing masses?
Read our music festival survival guide before you go.

 

Guide Staff Writer
BY: Collin Brennan
Guide Staff Writer