Zombie Apocalypse Survival Tips from Groupon
Are you prepared for the zombie apocalypse? When’s the last time you practiced shooting a crossbow, or cooked an entire meal over an open flame from foraged ingredients? If you’re waiting to start prepping until the brain-hungry zombie hordes come knocking at your door—well, then it’s too late.
Thankfully, Groupon is here with all the survival skills you need to survive an attempted zombie takeover. As those bloodthirsty creatures start rising from their graves, you’ll be sitting pretty, knowing Groupon has you prepped for whatever the future might hold. We’ve broken survival strategies down into five simple skills that will turn you into an undead-annihilating machine in no time.
1. Use Precision
It’s no secret that precision is key for zombie apocalypse survival—if you want that monster in the grave for good, you’re going to have to aim for the brain. You can easily simulate zombie hunting sans zombie at your local paintball field or laser tag arena, and archery expertise will probably be a good (and quiet) skill to have in your back pocket.
2. Use Brute Force
Strength is going to be important in a zombie fight. Zombies are surprisingly strong for creatures that are, you know, dead—so you’ll just have to be stronger. Work up some brute force during muscle-building fitness classes such as boxing, kickboxing, and martial arts. You probably won’t want to get close enough to a zombie to punch them, but if you do, a solid right hook will come in handy.
Read More: Learning How to Box Can Be Fun—No, Really
3. Use Your Wits
It’s going to take some good, old-fashioned smarts to outfox those zombies—not to mention the other ruthless survivors fighting you for food and shelter. Brush up on your problem-solving skills and glean some zombie survival tips during a room-escape game. Bonus points if it’s a scary one, because you’ll practice solving puzzles in a high-stress, high-stakes environment.
4. Use Patience
The zombie apocalypse won’t be all adrenaline and fight scenes; there’s bound to be some downtime where you need to hunker down and hide out. That’s means cultivating not only outdoor survival skills, but also patience. If that’s not your main virtue, practice becoming one with nature by taking a camping trip or some other outdoor getaway. A cooking class won’t hurt, either—it’ll take a certain amount of patience and expertise to make canned-good cuisine taste any good.
Read More: You Don’t Have to Pretend to Like Camping
5. Use Coping Mechanisms
How should we put it? The zombie apocalypse is going to be a little bit stressful. Now’s the time to prep your coping mechanisms and find your zen. You can practice yoga and meditation anywhere—yes, even in a zombie hideout—so learn the basics now. And when the stress of zombie prepping becomes just too much, nothing beats a good relaxation massage.