Like building a deck or removing a squirrel taped to the upper back, a haircut is rarely a successful do-it-yourself project. Get a helping hand with this Groupon.
Choose Between Two Options
- $12 for a men’s haircut with Whitney (a $25 value)
- $21 for a women’s haircut and style with Whitney (a $45 value)<p>
Whitney at Amour Salon
Long before Whitney at Amour Salon used a pair of scissors to trim hairdos in her salon’s private booths, the tool’s distant ancestor published more than 400 pages of discourse during its formative years in an elementary-school teacher’s desk. Most of this work took the form of a dialogue between the wizened Scissors and his obstinate colleague Clippers. One such example, translated from the original Greek, follows.
Book VIII: On Style and Its Ramifications
Scissors: And so, dear Clippers, do you not see that a man’s head is the same whether his hair is trimmed or clipped?
Clippers: I do.
Scissors: And that from this head hair will spring forth whether it is cut or permitted to grow ad infinitum?
Clippers: Why, yes—this is plain for anyone to see.
Scissors: Well then it stands to reason—one might think—that it does not matter whether one cuts his hair with scissors or clippers.
Clippers: Yes—I see. I suppose that you and I serve the same basic function.
Scissors: Ah! But here you would be wrong. Though a man’s hair may be cut, clipped, or singed by Apollo himself, the end result of each action will be quite different! What do you suppose, Clippers, would be the name for the comparison of such aesthetic differences?
Clippers: I suppose, Scissors, that would be style.
Scissors: Now you see the conundrum, eh? Though a man’s hair shall inevitably grow, it must also inevitably fall to the mercy of sundry coiffure-shaping tools—any one of which results in quite a different mien of what you call “style!”
Clippers: That is certain. I follow you completely.
Scissors: I am afraid, my friend, that you do not follow me at all. Do I mean to demonstrate that style can have profound effects on the way we are perceived?
Clippers: Yes?
Scissors: No, I am afraid you have not listened to a word. I hope you now understand that—while a man’s head shall be the same whether he submits to haircut or not—the fickle social dictations of style have a much more profound effect on his overall perception.
Clippers: I do.
Scissors: Do you?
Clippers: No.
Scissors: So I thought. No matter: in conclusion, I submit that, while you could just let any schmuck put scissors or clippers to your head, it is far wiser to visit a seasoned professional, such as Whitney at Amour Salon.
Clippers: So we, as mere mortals, cannot define style, but must leave such philosophy to stylists themselves?
Scissors: You are wiser than you once were, Clippers. Wise like Whitney. Now go to her. She needs you for a 3 o’clock appointment.
Whitney at Amour Salon
Before Whitney at Amour Salon began to trim hairdos in her salon's private booths, scissors shaped the locks of human history in surprising ways. What follows is a brief history of man's biggest innovation since sliced bread—besides, of course, bread sliced with scissors.
A History of Scissors: 1500 BC to 2012 AD The exact origin of scissors—a pair of metal blades joined at a pivot point—is unclear; the earliest cave drawings depict Neanderthal children playing Rock, Leaf, and either Scissors or Gaping Dinosaur Maw. Their first definitive use dates back to ancient Egypt, when Cleopatra took revenge upon her former lover, Ted, by clipping him out of their old prom photos. As scissors' popularity grew, so did Egypt's population of hairless cats—a phenomenon that continues to this day.
Centuries later, when pestilence and war laid siege to all of Europe, wizards found that scissors could be used to keep their beards prim after encounters with asthmatic dragons left them badly singed. Out in the pastures, shepherds—or sheep-watchin’ guys—used scissors to shear their livestock’s wool, which was valued for its use as armor for the king’s quickly dwindling army.
During the Victorian Era, scissors were outlawed as part of Gladstone’s crackdown on paper snowflakes. With no means to trim, tailors could only add fabric to things, sewing unnecessary ruffles to collars and extending tablecloths so that no table leg's ankle would cause a salacious uproar at dinner parties.
After nearly a century in obscurity, scissors made a triumphant comeback in 1929, when panicked stockbrokers chopped up old earnings reports to make new collages showing record profits.
As the nation entered World War II, it devoted all its resources to making scissors for the effort, and in 1988, President Ronald Reagan famously declared, "Mr. Gorbachev, chip away at this wall with scissors! Or just tear it down, I guess. Whatever." Today, as Whitney brandishes her own pair of scissors as she cuts, styles, and colors her clients’ hair, there can be no more fitting legacy for this timeless tool.
Review question: What are some things you use scissors for?
Fill in the blank: Grandpa sharpened his scissors with a pair of ___.
Can you spell scissors? Try it! ___.
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