Humans maintain their bodies for the same reasons they maintain their houses: to keep the neighbors friendly and to disguise the fact that an alien lives inside them. Keep frames trim and free from suspicion with today's Groupon: for $185, you get three Venus Freeze skin-tightening treatments at AdvanceLipo in La Jolla (a $750 value). This Groupon is valid for one of the following areas: chin, neck, upper arms, lower abdomen, upper inner thigh, upper back thigh, lower face, and under eyes.
As a member of the American Academy of Cosmetic Surgeons, Dr. Kevin Calhoun calls upon his knowledge of medical beautification to oversee AdvanceLipo's noninvasive body-sculpting treatments. Patients carve out a mere 25 to 40 minutes to luxuriate in the Venus Freeze's massaging magnetic pulses, waves that wash through the dermis to nourish budding capillaries, plumping collagen, and secret dreams of becoming the world's largest electromagnet. The controlled damage of the treatment then elicits natural self-repair from the epidermis. Firmer body bark emerges, reducing cellulite and extraneous inches, with long-lasting results typically seen after six to eight sessions. Touting minimal side effects such as redness, heat, and temporary flame tattoos around treated areas, patients are free to return to their regularly scheduled lives soon after the treatment.