Confucius said you cannot open a book without learning something, even if it is simply that paper tastes bad. Ingest intelligence with today's Groupon: for $49, you get a skills assessment and four one-hour tutoring sessions at Sylvan Learning in Springfield (a $387 value).

Sylvan Learning helps improve the academic performance and scholarly self-confidence of students in grades K–12 using close attention and a custom curriculum. Perplexed pupils get a custom-tailored lesson plan during a 2.5–3 hour individual skills assessment, a unique combination of standardized tests, diagnostic tools, and personal interviews that determines the best learning approach for each student. Close communication with teachers ensures studious progress, and a slew of parent resources helps build a scholarly home environment with family learning activities, homework tips, and handouts on how to prepare students for the future by speaking to them in binary code. Four one-hour small group tutoring sessions in college entrance exam tutoring or notoriously tricky subjects such math and writing abolish low grades and unfounded blame directed at wordy textbooks.