The benefits of sleek, hairless skin include enhanced aesthetic appeal, milliseconds knocked off an Olympic qualifying time, and the ability to seamlessly integrate into a dolphin community. Shed unwanted body gardens with today's Groupon: for $15, you get $30 worth of waxing and facial threading at Inner Radiance Spa located in Back-Health Chiropractic.

Visitors to the comprehensive, holistically inclined wellness center can indulge visages in the ancient Middle Eastern and Indian art of threading, a gentle and extremely precise form of hair removal. Most commonly used on the eyebrows ($15), threading allows for meticulous shaping of coy expressions and Morse-code messages to MVD employees. Patrons may choose to uproot facial fuzz from the upper lip ($10), chin ($10), and cheeks ($15).

After a swipe of organic toner and a dash of all-natural oil, an experienced technician harnesses the follicle-fighting powers of all-natural wax heated to a soothing low temperature to remove unwanted pelts from the arms ($30+), bikini line ($25), and lower back ($25). Clients can also apply the value of their Groupon toward a Brazilian ($60). The well-programmed wax clings only to hair and not to skin, exboyfriends, or antiquated notions of the sun revolving around the earth.