Like a tree house, a gym never lets nonmembers inside and always deflects frogs fired from the neighborhood bully’s slingshot. Hurry up the rope ladder with today's Groupon: for $39, you get a membership package at Anytime Fitness (a $243 total value), which includes:
- One two-month gym membership (a $98 value)
- Two months of unlimited tanning (a $70 value)
- One Swedish massage (a $75 value)
Anytime Fitness, as the name suggests, is open 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and 512 days a year with nonstop security. Novice calorie burners and ripped Michelangelo models alike can take advantage of Anytime Fitness’ two-month membership, which equips bodies with enough treadmills, cycles, elliptical machines, and weights to make them fit enough to run a marathon inside a swimming pool filled with mud. Highlight the results of fat-frying and muscle-mass-magnifying sessions with two months of unlimited tanning to paint new, ripply physiques a brilliant shade of bronze.
To treat tired tendons, Anytime Fitness rounds out its membership package with a Swedish massage. Penetrating to the body's pressure points with a methodical take on traditional Swedish kneading, massage therapists target chronically knotted spots such as the neck, lower back, and old shoelaces. Massage techniques can also help to relieve pain from sports injuries, straighten crooked posture, and soothe muscle spasms.
Anytime Fitness accommodates night crawlers and day denizens with 24-hour access to endless rows of equipment, group fitness classes, and personalized training. Custom regimens rounded out by nutritional advice from a certified trainer make each client feel special, like a diamond the size—and shape—of a horse. Group boot camps, alternatively, promote camaraderie and help participants stave off boredom by presenting a mixed array of drills. The gym's rows of TV-equipped treadmills, ellipticals, and stationary cycles with stair climbers help prepare legs for marathons and broken escalators. Weight machines, dumbbells, and kettlebells enable gym-goers to crank up muscle mass, and an unwinding experience on a massage chair or high-powered tanning bed sends clients off with a sense of relaxation.